High Hopes

One of Nicole's Greatest Strengths + One of Nicole's Weakest Links = High Hopes

I have high hopes about almost everything. I'm pretty good about knowing what things and people I should not spend and waste my time on but for everything and everyone else, my hopes are off the charts. This is quite unfortunate for me since it seems as though I'm always getting my hopes up. And I kid you not when I mean ALWAYS, as in ALL OF THE TIME. There are times when my patience does wear thin, but it eventually does restore itself.

So I got to thinking, just how much can a heart take? How much can you give and give and give and be let down, and walked over, and used until you just stop caring all together? How is that we keep going on?

This is probably the first time in my life that my hopes have been let down so many times, so frequently. My heart felt like it was almost on empty. I just wanted to quit. I felt like I had no dreams, goals or aspirations anymore. So I dug deep down to the bottom of my core as I asked myself, "Why am I here? What is my purpose?"
Well I don't have it all figured out yet but I came to terms with something. Everyone keeps telling me to stop caring so much, to be meaner, to be tougher, to close myself off, to focus on myself because clearly everyone else just focuses on themselves. Well that's not me! I care with all of my heart. I feel with all of my heart. I love with all of my heart. I'm heart and soul. And that's why I'm here.

Okay, I'll agree that I may need to focus on myself a bit more but I won't agree with the rest. That's why I'm here. To give love and show what love is all about. If I can make someone else happy even if it's at my expense, then that's all that matters. I can take on anything! I may cry and wine, and kick and scream but I always deal with it. I always have and always will. And even if I'm not treated the way I deserve, I'll be here patiently waiting because I now know that my patience never gets to completely empty. It gets pretty close, but I'll never let it hit rock bottom.
So you know what? I think I'll keep my hopes high. I know. I'm going to keep hurting myself and others will keep hurting me but in the end all that matters is that I kept on giving the best of me.

During a really hard time last year(which lucky for me had a happy ending or you could say beginning again) a good friend asked me, "So you got hurt?" I responded, "Yeah, of course." "But you had fun, right," she asked. "Yeah, I did have fun. The time of my life." "Well then that's all that matters."