High Hopes

One of Nicole's Greatest Strengths + One of Nicole's Weakest Links = High Hopes

I have high hopes about almost everything. I'm pretty good about knowing what things and people I should not spend and waste my time on but for everything and everyone else, my hopes are off the charts. This is quite unfortunate for me since it seems as though I'm always getting my hopes up. And I kid you not when I mean ALWAYS, as in ALL OF THE TIME. There are times when my patience does wear thin, but it eventually does restore itself.

So I got to thinking, just how much can a heart take? How much can you give and give and give and be let down, and walked over, and used until you just stop caring all together? How is that we keep going on?

This is probably the first time in my life that my hopes have been let down so many times, so frequently. My heart felt like it was almost on empty. I just wanted to quit. I felt like I had no dreams, goals or aspirations anymore. So I dug deep down to the bottom of my core as I asked myself, "Why am I here? What is my purpose?"
Well I don't have it all figured out yet but I came to terms with something. Everyone keeps telling me to stop caring so much, to be meaner, to be tougher, to close myself off, to focus on myself because clearly everyone else just focuses on themselves. Well that's not me! I care with all of my heart. I feel with all of my heart. I love with all of my heart. I'm heart and soul. And that's why I'm here.

Okay, I'll agree that I may need to focus on myself a bit more but I won't agree with the rest. That's why I'm here. To give love and show what love is all about. If I can make someone else happy even if it's at my expense, then that's all that matters. I can take on anything! I may cry and wine, and kick and scream but I always deal with it. I always have and always will. And even if I'm not treated the way I deserve, I'll be here patiently waiting because I now know that my patience never gets to completely empty. It gets pretty close, but I'll never let it hit rock bottom.
So you know what? I think I'll keep my hopes high. I know. I'm going to keep hurting myself and others will keep hurting me but in the end all that matters is that I kept on giving the best of me.

During a really hard time last year(which lucky for me had a happy ending or you could say beginning again) a good friend asked me, "So you got hurt?" I responded, "Yeah, of course." "But you had fun, right," she asked. "Yeah, I did have fun. The time of my life." "Well then that's all that matters."

And all that still matters is love ever after

I am loving Daughtry's new hit Life After You. It is just a sweet song. It is a bit dramatic but we all love a little drama and passion. My favorite part is the beginning of the chorus: All that I'm after is a laugh full of laughter as long as I'm laughing with you and I think that all that still matters is love ever after, after the life we've been through. You just have to enjoy life with your partner because all that does matter is love ever after. You just have to laugh. Like the old saying, "Live, Laugh, Love." Because Daughtry's got a point. He says there's no life after you. Well, that sounds a bit dramatic but you can think about it in a different light. Whatever it is that happens to that special person in your life that means that they are not in your life anymore, there is no life if you don't have a life of laughter and love. At least you'll have good memories, good experiences and good laughs to look back on. Because who wants to think of just arguments and disagreements and crying and yelling? Clearly, sometimes those things are inevitable. Nothing is perfect. And the great thing is that many times, even in the imperfections love and laughter and good memories and experiences are found.
I've recently come to terms with myself that I am simply just going to focus on going after that life full of love and laughter in all aspects; with my family, friends and my special person. I really have so much to be happy about. I'm young and in love with my family and friends and the most amazing person ever! Nit-picking Nicole is no more!!! (or will at least make very FEW appearances!)

Life After You-Daughtry

I'm ten miles from town
And I just broke down
Spitting out smoke
On the side of the road
I'm out here alone
Just trying to get home
To tell you I was wrong
But you already know
Believe I won't stop for nothin'
To see you so I've started runnin'

All that I'm after
Is a life full of laughter
As long as I'm laughing with you
And I think that
All that still matters is love ever after
After the life we've been through
'Cause I know there's no life after you

The last time we talked
The night that I walked
Burns like a light
In the back of my mind
I must've been high
To say you and I
Weren't meant to be
An' just wasting my time
Oh, why did I ever doubt you
You know, I will die here without you

All that I'm after
Is a life full of laughter
As long as I'm laughing with you
And I think that
All that still matters is love ever after
After the life we've been through
'Cause I know there's no life after you

You and I, right or wrong
There's no other one
After this time spent on
Time to believe
That around inside a piece so blinded
Thinkin' all about the times
I must've been out of my mind
So I wonder if I can tell you

All that I'm after
Is a life full of laughter
And now God knows what I'd do, yeah

All that I'm after
Is a life full of laughter
As long as I'm laughing with you
And I think that
All that still matters is love ever after
After the life we've been through, yeah
I know there's no life after you

You know there's no life after you
You know there's no life after you
You know there's no life after you
No, no life after you
Yeah

And if you wanted to buy me flowers, just go ahead now

"The earth laughs in flowers"~Ralph Waldo Emerson
"I'd rather have roses on my table than diamonds on my neck."~Emma Goldman

Well in my case, I'd rather have daisies or orchids on the table than diamonds on my neck. I do love roses but daisies and orchids are my favorite.

It's funny how the world's simplest pleasures can make a difference in your day. Some of my simplest pleasures are:
-A hug
-A kiss
-My daily good morning text from my boyfriend
-My mom's short and simple texts
-My brother's tip of the tongue witty comments
-The longing of affection from my dogs
-My dad's chain text messages
-Laundry hot out of the dryer (a simple pleasure until you have to hang and fold everything)
-Chocolate
-A new book
-The moon...especially crescent moons
-A new song
-Gain Laundry Detergent
-Lavender and Clean Linen smells
-FLOWERS
The list goes on and on but I'll continue with flowers. I'm one of those girls. I LOVE flowers. Flowers are just so sweet and happy and make my day. Like I mentioned previously daisies and orchids are my favorite! Especially plain white daisies. They are so joyous and gentle and feminine and just the essence of a girl. But flowers in general interest me and it occurred to me that flowers usually do have different meanings so I did some research and looked up some meanings to common flowers. So next time you want to brighten up someone's day, look up meanings to flowers and give them the flowers according to the meaning! If that person is a girl, I guarantee you that they will LOVE it.

Aloe: Wisdom and Integrity
Apple: Symbol of Perpetual Concord
Azalea: Fragile and Ephemeral Passion
Baby's Breath: Happiness
Begonia: "Beware! I am fanciful!"
Buttercup: Childishness
Cactus: Bravery and Endurance
Carnation: Fascination
Carnation, Pink: Emblem of Mother's Day, I will never forget you
Carnation, Purple: Antipathy and Capriciousness
Carnation, Red: Admiration, my heart aches for you
Carnation, Striped: No, Sorry, I cannot be with you
Carnation, White: Pure Love, Sweet Love, Innocence
Carnation, Yellow: Disdain and Rejection
Chrysanthemum, Red: I love you
Chrysanthemum, White: Truth
Chrysanthemum, Yellow: Slighted Love
Clover: Fertility and Domestic Virtue
Clover, Four leafed: Symbol Of Good Luck
Clover, Five leafed: Symbol Of Bad Luck
Daffodil: Emblem of Annunciation/Regard, Unrequited love
Dahlia: Good Taste
Daisy: Gentleness, Innocence, Loyal love
Dandelion: Oracle of Time and Love, Faithfulness, Happiness
Edelweiss: Daring & Noble Courage
Gardenia: "I love you in secret"
Hibiscus: Delicate Beauty
Honeysuckle: Sweetness Of Disposition
Hydrangea : Vanity, Thank you for understanding, Frigidity
Iris: Faith, Wisdom, Valor, Your Friendship means so much to me
Ivy: Friendship, Wedded love, Fidelity, Friendship, Affection
Lavender: Constancy
Lilac, Mauve: "Do You Still Love Me"
Lilac, Pink: Youth and Acceptance
Lilac, White: "My First Dream Of Love"
Lily, Calla: Majestic Beauty
Lily, Day: Coquetry
Lily, Orange: Hatred and Disdain, Wealth, Pride
Lily, White: Majesty and Purity, Virginity
Lily-Of-The-Valley: Purity and Humility, Sweetness
Lotus: Mystery and Truth
Magnolia: Dignity, Splendid Beauty
Mistletoe: Affection and Love
Oleander: Beauty and Grace
Orchid: Magnificence, Love, Beauty, Refinement
Pansy: Thoughtful Recollection
Petunia: Anger and Resentment
Poinsettia: "Be of Good Cheer"
Rose, Bridal: Happy Love
Rose, Carolina: Love Is Dangerous
Rose, Christmas: Peace and Tranquility
Rose, Coral/Orange: Enthusiasm, Desire
Rose, Dark Pink: Thank you
Rose, Light Pink: Admiration
Rose, Musk: Capricious Beauty
Rose, Pale: Friendship
Rose, Peach: Let's get together, Closing of the deal
Rose, Pink: Love, Grace, Gentility, You're so Lovely, Perfect Happiness, Please believe me
Rose, Pink & White: I love you still and always will
Rose, Red: Love, Desire, Respect, Courage, Job well done
Rose, Red & Yellow: Congratulations
Rose, White: Charm, Secrecy, Silence, You're Heavenly, Reverence, Humility, Youthfulness and Innocence
Rose, White on Red: Unity/Flower Emblem of England
Rose, Yellow: Infidelity, Joy, Gladness, Friendship, Jealousy, Welcome Back, Remember me
Rose, Yellow & Orange: Passionate thoughts
Sunflower: Homage and Devotion
Sweet Pea: Departure, Blissful pleasure, Thanks for a lovely time
Tiger Lily: Wealth and Pride
Tulip: Symbol of The Perfect Lover
Tulip, Red: Believe me, Declaration of love
Tulip, Variegated: Beautiful eyes
Violet: Modesty and Simplicity
Wallflower: Friendship and Adversity
Water Lily: Eloquence and Persuasion
Wisteria: Youth and Poetry
Zinnia: Thoughts of Absent Friends
Zinnia, Pink: Lasting Affection

So take time out of your day to stop and smell the roses...or whatever it is that is your simple pleasure that adds a little skip in your stride.

Project 365

"The world today doesn't make sense, so why should I paint pictures that do?"
~Pablo Picasso

As if facebook is not enough of a fad or an addiction, there are also fads on facebook. Not that I look down on facebook; I, myself am an avid user, just stating the facts and the truths about it. Anyway, onto the fads. Remember when bumperstickers and buttons were the hottest thing about facebook? Well now it's Farmville and various other games and status updates every hour and also something else: Project 365. It actually started last year and while a lot of people did it last year, even more are doing this little project this year. I am partaking in this project this year. The idea is to create a facebook album with one picture everyday for one year.

I decided to jump on the bandwagon of Project 365 for a few reasons. I've found that I have plenty of extra time this semester. I moved back home from Florida International University this semester. Long story short, I need to focus on my grades. I'm taking two online classes from the same institution but from my home. I do spend a lot of time on my two classes, but there's only two of them. I'm hoping to get a job soon and begin doing community service but even then, I'll still have a lot of spare time.

I actually look forward to finding a picture of the day. It puts me at ease and takes my mind off of many things. Ever since I've been back at home, I'm constantly obsessing and worrying. I've been ridiculously moody. I'm super anxious. I had this whole life at FIU with amazing friends and I pretty much messed up because I was not succeeding in classes and it was pretty much all of my fault. The thing is, I wasn't one of those typical crazy college girls who went clubbing and partying and drinking all of the time. I just lost my drive and lost focus and didn't try. Which makes things more frustrating. But I'm finding new ways to deal with it and move on and learn and one of the ways is Project 365.

Project 365 gives you a chance to really express yourself and gives you a nice way to look back at your year. It's kind of a motivator because I actually try my hardest to not procrastinate with it and actually put up a new picture each day. My goal is to put up positive, funny and meaningful pictures each day so that I keep having a positive outlook just like I always did. No room in this life to keep being angry.

I went into 2010 absolutely HATING it. I was leaving behind my friends. The best friends I've ever had except for a select few at home. Leaving behind a school I loved so much. The life I pretty much had always wanted. It would have been almost perfect if I had not messed up my grades. Well, not perfect but just a very nice life. But since they are the best friends I've ever had, I know they'll keep in touch and we have been. Project 365 is pretty much turning my mindset about this year around because I have seriously been my old self since I started it because I find something nice about each day. I have to be positive so that I can keep growing and moving forward. Everything always works itself out. Might take awhile but I'm just going to keep these five things in mind: Wisdom,Power,Faith,Hope and Love. Utilize those five tools and you can do ANYTHING your heart desires.

Gives Me Hope

Last year, one of my best friends told me about this website called www.givesmehope.com. It is similar to the popular www.fmylife.com except that instead of focusing on the bad moments in your life, it focuses on moments in your life that make you want to keep going; moments in life that remind you that your life is not in fact "effed." I've been hooked ever since my best friend brought my attention to it.

Today I realized how important it is to always remember one of those givesmehope moments that have occurred in your life. Lucky for me, I could probably name like 50 off the top of my head. For others, it may not be so easy. But if it's not easy for you, try to at least think of one moment in your life that someone or something or just witnessing a random act of kindness gave you hope and hold onto that memory forever. Because when everything and everyone is telling you no or if it seems that your world is about to end, you have that one memory to get you through. That one memory that lets you know that good does exist in this world. So much good exists in this world.

I've had weight issues for a very long time. It was more apparent in middle school and high school. I couldn't wear the clothes that the other girls wore. I didn't always get invited to go out with my friends because I wasn't the type of girl that could attract guys. They didn't outright tell me this but I wasn't stupid like everyone always thought I was. I definitely wasn't the girl that guys had a crush on. I lost a little weight my senior year of high school and instead of gaining the freshman 15 in college, I lost the freshmen 15 and a lot more throughout the next years. To date, I'm down 60 lbs and happy but still working on it. My brother and I were at the mall and he knew I wasn't in the best of moods and we had a good talk and I felt better and then he made me feel even better afterwards; he took me to Abercrombie& Fitch. I think we all know about that store. I'm not usually materialistic but it has always been my dream to own and to fit into something from that store. My brother took me to that store today and told me to try on a shirt. I tried on a polo and it fit! And I felt comfortable in it! We didn't purchase it because it was quite expensive but maybe another day. To me, just knowing that I fit into a shirt from Abercrombie & Fitch and actually looked good in it and felt comfortable made me so happy. My brother knew it would make me happy. His advice and encouragement and knowing what to do to make his little sister smile Gives Me Hope.

Blue

Blue is my favorite color. In fact, I love ALL shades of blue. Blue makes me very happy. Why anyone would compare blue to sadness is beyond me. Think of the blue sky or the blue ocean or a blue bird. Blueberries and blue flowers. Blue eyes and blue sapphires. So many beautiful and happy and generally good things are blue.It makes me feel tranquil, calm, warm, and safe. Who knew that even just creating that picture in my thoughts of his blue eyes could make me so happy and give me the warm fuzzies. So if you're feeling "blue", it's not necessarily a bad thing. It could actually be something really beautiful. It's all how we look at it and it's all what we make it.